The Holiday Blues

Every year, around this time, I get what I call the “holiday blues”. I’m not sure what triggers it, but I can count on it like clockwork. I get depressed and weepy, and really just want to lock myself in the bedroom and stay under the covers. Every year I tell myself, I’m going to beat the blues this time. I decorate, bake, put on the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, play Christmas music, make Zoë do some crazy crafts, mail Christmas cards, you name it. I’ve done it all. I do a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, support the Angel Tree, try to visit and help people. None of this really helps. At the end of the day, I’m still depressed. Usually, the only thing that can break through is watching Zoë enjoy the magic and spirit of Christmas. I can always count on that! (I hope that Zoë never feels blue around the holidays!)

I think it stems from awful holidays past. My body is conditioned to prepare itself for disappointment. I’m sure this year will be no different, probably worse, since I can’t seem to get myself organized and ready. I feel like I’ve done nothing. Usually, by now, I’ve at least gotten a little Christmas shopping done and taken advantage of early deals. Nothing. I didn’t even put up my Thanksgiving decorations! I usually go all out. I still have Halloween stuff that hasn’t been put away. Add to that, Dan is still looking for work and money is quickly dwindling.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. I really love my in-laws, so I know dinner will be fine. But, something will happen, it always does. They sometimes forget to include me on email messages and rely on Dan to tell me. Now that they have moved their conversations to Facebook, I never know what is going on. I’m still not completely sure what’s supposed to happen tomorrow. I think I’m supposed to bring sweet potato casserole. I’m taking bets on getting there and finding out I was supposed to bring something else. I don’t even know what time we are supposed to be there!

This year we will also be traveling to Richmond to see my family. That’s just a hot bed of potential drama. I am looking forward to seeing my family and staying with my cousins. I really want Zoë to be connected and involved with them, especially since I never was in the past. There is a huge divide between my immediate family and my extended family. Makes visiting a little stressful.

So, here’s to once again trying to kick the holiday blues. Wonder if I can just up the meds?

Darn you Ke$ha!

I was mortified yesterday, listening to Zoë sing one of her favorite songs. I immediately decided that the Kidz Bop CD’s really aren’t that bad. We will be a Kidz Bop family for our music, for a while. Here are the lyrics that set my teeth on edge, sung perfectly by my 6 year old:


“There’s a place I know, if you’re looking for a show, where they go hardcore and there’s glitter on the floor.”

I am still horrified! I had no idea she knew the words (she knows them ALL) and thankfully she has no idea what she is singing about. The look on Dan’s face still haunts me, and I got the lecture. I know, I know, I need to turn off the radio in the car. Believe me, I will now. I’m going to have to start keeping my iPod in the car, with some innocent tunes on it, along with a couple of those dreaded Kidz Bop CD’s. At least Zoë has the entire collection, thanks Shelby! (We’re up to 18 of them now, I think.)

So, for now, Ke$ha is at the top of the banned list around Zoë. I guess I can’t dislike Justin Bieber too much, he still makes me cringe, but at least Zoë can sing his songs. I’d rather hear her sing the lyrics to “Baby Baby” over choking on my drink when she sings “brushing my teeth with a bottle of Jack”. I’ve created a “Zoë” playlist on my iPod with some of her “safe” favorites. During future car rides, we will rocking out to Miranda Cosgrove, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and old-school Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. I guess it could be a lot worse!

The Wedding Time Capsule

I have to admit that 10 years ago, when I suggested putting together a wedding time capsule, both Dan and I thought it was kind of cheesy, but we did it anyway.  I’m so glad we did!  We couldn’t remember anything we’d put in there.  I vaguely remembered writing letters to each other, but that is about it.  10 years is a long time to remember details!  I’m surprised we were able to keep up with it.  It has moved to different homes over the years, but it was right there in storage when I went to find it.  We would see it occasionally when we were cleaning up or organizing the storage area.  It was weird to see the lid that said “Do not open until October 28, 2010”.  We’d laugh, but wow, it’s finally here!  I still can't believe it has been 10 years!

We all gathered around the time capsule that evening.  Zoë was excited too.  When we put this thing together, she wasn’t even a thought!  It was great!  Our letters to each other were really sweet.  We even had a letter in there that my Mom wrote to us.  That was a neat surprise.  I don’t even remember asking her to do that.  She wrote that she hoped she and my Dad would be around when we opened it.  Later on that evening, when we Skyped for Zoë to talk to Grandma, we thanked her for the letter. 

We included a calendar from that year.  It was neat to see all the activities we were involved in and all the things we did together.  Lots of pictures!  We had photos of our first home, Dan’s townhouse.  Amos was in a lot of pictures, he was a cute puppy.  We had pictures from our wedding, ticket stubs, etc. from our Honeymoon at Walt Disney World.  Since the time capsule was to represent the first year of marriage, we even had the newspaper from September 11, 2001.  That was really emotional to see and read.  We were able to show Zoë and talk to her about it a little.  It’s still strange to think that she will never get to see the “Twin Towers”. 

I think we are going to refill the time capsule, and seal it to keep for another 10 years. We’ve survived 10 years of marriage we should be able to make it 10 more! That would be really interesting. I would be 50 when we opened it and Zoë would be 16! Yikes! I don’t even want to think about it.

Well, here’s to 10 more years of marriage!  

Mascot respect!

I know this is strange, but for a long time I’ve always wanted to be a mascot. (It’s on my list, along with being a cheerleader! Yeah, yeah, I know it’s lame.) LOL! I love mascots, they always look like they are having so much fun. What an awesome job to have! Making people laugh, giving high-fives and hugs, posing for pictures. Best of all, no talking and no one knows who you are! So, when Zoë’s school PTA asked for volunteers to parade around as the fundraiser mascot, I decided to step out of my comfort zone again. (I hope this outside of the comfort zone thing doesn’t become a habit.)

I did a stint as a mascot in college for a bit. But, it wasn’t one of the furry costumes, with the large head. No anonymity. It was still fun, but not as fun as totally being anonymous. I still felt self-conscious. In high-school I worked a couple of summers at Kings Dominion. I worked on one of the rides, but always wanted to be one of the characters. I would get close to applying and would talk myself out of it. Plus, those were some hot summers, so I could only imagine the condition of those costumes. LOL! The application process also required a “try out”, and I was really shy back then.

 

So, this morning, I donned the bear costume, complete with giant head, and headed out to the school carpool line. If you overlook being extremely hot, it was a lot of fun. The kids were great! Tons of hugs, high-fives, fist bumps & waves. I even got to pose for a picture with one little girl. I think I made a lot of people smile today, even some of the teachers. LOL! I skipped around, danced, twirled and opened doors. The tough part for me was keeping my mouth shut. (Let’s just say Zoë comes by her chattiness naturally.) When I saw people I knew, I wanted to talk so bad I could hardly stand it! After hanging out at the drop off, I headed to the student news room to be on the morning news. I’m sure Zoë got a kick out of telling her classmates her mom was the bear. LOL!

 

I don’t know if I’ll do it again, maybe. The only thing that would really stop me would be the blazing heat felt in that thing. (When I was told to dress lightly, that was an understatement!) Something tells me the PTA didn’t get a lot of takers for this volunteer opportunity, so I’ll probably get asked again. LOL! And, I’ll probably say yes. LOL!

Things I learned at the loading dock

Our office move is officially complete. It was a giant pain in the butt and looking back, I realize I spent quite a bit of time hanging out at the loading dock for the new building. More than I care to repeat. In fact, if I never see (or smell) the loading dock again, it would be too soon.

But, I had a lot of time to make some observations about the working man. I have the double whammy of working in a male dominated field, in an office that is also dominated by males. (Lucky me.)

Here’s what I learned:

Chivalry really isn’t dead. Who knew? I work for a commercial real estate firm. These guys don’t like to get their hands dirty and think the world should bow and cater to them. How shocked was I when the loading dock guys, did things like hold the elevator, hold a door, help me carry items without me having to beg and plead. It was like another dimension, bizarro world! I almost didn’t know how to act!

Cussing is just talking. I’m sure I learned a few new words, but things were said with such frequency and emotion you almost didn’t notice. The cussing just flowed.

Cuss words are guy terms of endearment. (What up bleep face!)

A smile goes a long way. I can smile all day long at the office and co-workers would just ask if I was OK. Smiling at the loading dock gets rock star treatment.

One service elevator can hold a crap load of people and heavy equipment.

Patience truly is a virtue. (Especially when there are only two service elevators for a building with 48 floors.)

The crowded service elevator in the morning smells a whole lot better than the crowded 5:00 PM one.

Thick skin and a sense of humor are a must! These guys got a huge kick out of my pink Vera Bradley backpack, matching lanyard and pink phone. They cracked themselves up yelling “hey Paul, you got a purse just like that don’t you”.

These guys have mad skills! Much respect to the loading dock guys!

Stepping out of my comfort zone

I hate to do it. I like my comfort zone; it’s very comfy and predictable. It’s perfect. No surprises, a little boring, but that’s OK. I know what to expect. Well, a few months ago I got a wild hair and thought it would be fun to take an adult dance class at Zoë’s dance school. I’m not sure what the heck I was thinking. The choices were Tap, Hip Hop or Belly Dancing. Belly Dancing was a “no” right out of the gate. I’m too uncoordinated and rhythm less for Hip Hop. So, that left tap dancing.

I signed up to keep a spot. When I purchased my tap shoes, I thought, this is it; I really can’t drop out now. Maybe it will be a really small class. Much to my surprise, there were 8 ladies in my class Monday night. These ladies were awesome and many had been tap dancing for years. Didn’t really help my self-esteem any. They were also all tiny and cute, which also didn’t help my self-esteem. It turned out to be a lot of fun and a lot harder than I could have ever imagined. Since I’m a tap newbie (unless you count when I was 7), I have to learn all of the basic steps. Hopefully I won’t slow the class down too much.

What really pushed me over into non-comfy territory were the mirrored walls. You see, I walk by mirrors like they don’t exist most of the time. Other than my daily “mirror check” in the morning, to see if everything matches and looks presentable, I try my best not to look at a mirror for the rest of the day. It was tough, but I managed to find a spot in front of a file cabinet. That lasted for a bit, but I think the dance teacher caught on. She eventually made me move. There were also talks of something called a “dance recital”. I’m thinking I just didn’t hear that part correctly. Now I know that Dance Fever has a recital every year because I’ve been to my share of them for Zoë and Lizzie. What I didn’t realize when I signed up (and paid) for this class, is that the adults participated in the recital as well. That would require someone to push me out of my comfort zone, kicking and screaming. I don’t see that happening. So, they might have to deal with 7 people for their routine. Let’s not get crazy. I can only imagine the outfits they come up with, since these ladies are all under a size 8. We all know whatever they decide on will look ridiculous in my size. Hell, I thought I looked ridiculous in my sweat pants and baggy t-shirt next to these women! (Another reason I was trying to hide by the file cabinet.)

So, as I “step ball changed”, “brush stepped” and “shuffled” (unattractively) for that hour, I thought, maybe it won’t be too bad. I’ll give it another couple of tries. It’s going to require a lot of loosening up on my part. Dan says I need to pull the pole out of my butt. (I’m very comfortable with that pole thank you!) He’s right though. I know that I will never be as graceful, accomplished (or as skinny) as my classmates, but maybe this will be a stepping stone to other activities outside of my comfort zone.

Birthdays, bleh!

Well, the dreaded 40th birthday is quickly approaching. Not sure why I struggle with this one so much. Possibly because I can remember my parents at 40, so it really makes me feel old. LOL! But, to make matters worse, I’m not going to get to spend my 40th birthday lounging in my PJ’s, drinking margaritas. Oh no, I have to work that weekend. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! There is no hope for this birthday! Our office move is happening that weekend. How unfair is that? Now I have to pretend to be happy about turning 40. So help me, I will go postal if anyone hangs a “Lordy Lordy Look Who’s 40” sign anywhere in my line of vision.

But, maybe this isn’t necessarily bad. If I’m working, then I don’t have to think about my birthday at all. I can pretend it’s not happening. I can just keep busy the entire weekend, and come Monday, the birthday nonsense will be over. Hmmm, it just may be the perfect excuse not to have to participate in any birthday crap! Want to go out for dinner? Nope, I’ve got to work. Beautiful!

I’ve hated birthdays (my birthday) for as long as I can remember. I’ve always found them rather disappointing and embarrassing. I think this is why I go overboard with Zoë’s birthdays. I buy too many things, put tons of time and effort into the perfect party. I just don’t want her to EVER feel disappointed or unhappy on her birthday. No child should ever feel that. Birthdays are supposed to be magical and special.

But, for me, I’d rather keep my birthday low key. Let’s just get the damn day over with. So, I’m going to look at working that weekend as a positive. I’ll focus all my energy on the office move and “poof” next thing you know, that birthday will be in the past.

Here’s hoping the weekend goes by quickly.

Dear Prudence White Mocha Coffee Nut

Starting with our first furry baby, Amos, we decided to register under a ridiculous AKC name. His official registered name was “Famous Amos Mocha Coffee Nut”, which always cracked us up whenever we got anything from the American Kennel Club. He was mostly known fondly as “Famous Amos”. So, we had to do something similar with Prudy. Her official registered name is “Dear Prudence White Mocha Coffee Nut”. She gets called “Dear Prudence” a lot. LOL! We are such nerds.

Dear Prudence is almost 4 months old and getting big. When we brought her home she was only 9 lbs. She didn’t have any adjustment issues, no crying at night, etc. Instead she walked in like “this place will do” and made herself at home.

 

 

 

 

 

Prudy's very first day!

 

She loved her bed at first sight!

Now Prudy is almost 4 months old and close to 30 lbs! Aside from that peeing and pooping in the house thing, she’s a really good dog. I hope to train her as a therapy dog when she gets a little older, I think she’ll be good at it. We just have to get through this horrid puppy stage first.

She is such a clown!

Those darn camp kids!

It’s been a wild summer. Our first foray into “camp” territory. I was initially very nervous, but we all got through it. Zoë loved it, and all in all, I’m sure it was a good experience for her. But, some of the things she learned at camp have come close to pushing me over the edge! I’m not talking about camp activities, I’m talking about social interaction, hanging with other kids, etc.

You see, Kindergarten was great! All the kids in her class were around the same age. Since the kids were all on the same level, they liked the same things, talked about the same things and had similar interests. Then, the school year came to an end and we had to find a place for Zoë during the summer. That was an ordeal in itself. Where do I send her, how do I find a place? Luckily, my BFF is anal like I am and had previously done lots of research. We ended up sending Zoë to the place her kiddos go, King Tiger Tae Kwon Do summer camp. As I reflect, I really like the fact that she attended a Tae Kwon Do camp. They really worked on building character, were huge into good manners and respect, and physical activity. She was worn out each day, which made bed times almost dreamlike for us. (Bedtime hell will have to be another post.)

On the flip side, unlike Kindergarten, during the day kids of many ages interacted. This made for some very interesting home conversations. Here are a few of my favorites:

I’m fat:      I just about fell over when Zoë made this announcement. We don’t discuss body image at home, she’s just 6! I asked her what on earth would make her say that. She said the kids at camp told her she looked fat in her swimsuit. Really? I told her she wasn’t fat at all and not to listen to those kids. She has no reason to worry about her weight.

Will you buy me a bra?:      Until yesterday, I thought nothing could top this one. She asked me, very seriously, “Mom, will you buy me a bra?” WHAT? I asked? You don’t need a bra, you have nothing to put in a bra. “Well”, she said, “the girls at camp wear bras.” I told her I found it hard to believe that a bunch of 6, 7 and 8 year old girls were wearing bras. Well, apparently I was wrong. One of the fun camp facts I didn’t think of was that the girls all change into their Tae Kwon Do uniforms together. I was informed by my BFF’s daughter that the girls did indeed wear bras at camp. Now my 6 year old is bra obsessed. My Aunt has fed into this nonsense and sent her some bras as a birthday gift.

Don’t look at my boobs:     Again, WHAT? Yep, this from the kid who would like nothing better than to walk around all day, anywhere, without a shirt.

I hurt my nuts:      Ding, ding, we have a winner. At our house, we have never used the term “nuts” to describe “boy parts”. Hell, my husband is still mad at me for telling Zoë she had 2 butts, a front butt and a back butt! Mostly we just call them girl parts and boy parts. Well, at our weekly Chick Fil A dinner, she bumped into a chair and announced loudly “I hurt my nuts”. As I choked on my spicy chicken sandwich, I said WHAT? In an even louder voice she said “My nuts, I hurt my nuts!” (My friend said “would that be pecans or walnuts”? LOL!) After a stunned silence I asked Zoë what she meant and she pointed to her girl parts. I said “honey, girls don’t have nuts”. I’m still cracking up over that one!

Getting my baby fix!!!

I feel like I’m in the minority, but when I see and hold a baby, I do NOT get that twinge to have another kid. I think I’m missing whatever gene that is. (Sometimes I think I might be missing the maternal instinct gene too. LOL!) Don’t get me wrong, I love babies. Love their sweet baby smell, those cute baby noises, the wide eyed stares and the gassy smiles. (The wobbly neck thing, not so much) I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me. Hell, Zoë is 6 and there are still songs that instantly make me feel nauseous when I hear them! Why? Because I was pregnant when I heard them before, and they are somehow attached to memories of that hell misery. How does that still happen 6 years later? I heard one song in the car this morning and had to turn the radio station. (That’s a whole other blog post for another day!) All of my friends get the baby twinge. I think many of them are nuts. I’d like to think I’m just more aware of myself. I know that I couldn’t handle more than one kid. I can barely handle Zoë and the new puppy. To the many many people out there who try to make me feel guilty for having an only child, I have a sibling. The sibling thing is way overrated.

Now that I am an Aunt for the first time (yes I think Aunt deserves a capital “A”), I get a different twinge. I love being an Aunt! It’s the perfect scenario for me. I love love love holding Pippa! It makes me happy and it relaxes me. I could hold her all day long. Maybe that’s my “baby twinge”. I don’t want to have another kid, but I can still get the benefits of hugging on a baby as an Auntie. I can snuggle with her, rock her, sing to her, buy her fabulous clothes and shoes, and spoil her and Zoë rotten! I think I’m going to like this Aunt thing. Maybe Melanie & James will pop out some more kids for me to love. LOL! A whole brood of babies that I can hug, spoil and hand back over to the parents until the next visit. Added bonus, I don’t have to change diapers, although I would. I don’t really mind that.

My Sweet Pea is 6!!

Well, Zoë is officially 6 now. Because she was born during the week of the annual Tarrant Family Beach trip, her birthday will always seem to be a week long. This year was no exception. In fact, she got to stay at the beach the entire week. Usually we just stay for 3 or 4 nights. In her eyes, this was probably the best birthday ever. That is until Daddy got a speeding ticket on the way home. She said to him “why on my birthday” and proceeded not to speak to him the rest of the trip because she was mad. LOL! Yeah, who’s a birthday princess?

This year’s party was at Bounce U. We’ve been to a couple of parties there in the past. It turned out really well. Zoë was afraid that since her birthday is during the summer, her friends wouldn’t be able to come. Her kindergarten teacher (bless you Mrs. Boes) collected email addresses and phone numbers for kids in her class and quite a few of her friends were able to attend. I loved the fact that I could just bring the cake and goody bags and Bounce U did the rest. Our party hosts were two adorable young guys that the kids all thought were great. I nicknamed them the “party twins”. I was a little unsure about the party twins at first. They seemed more interested in catching each other up on their social life than doing actual work. But, I was pleasantly surprised. These two took over the party like champs. They joked with the kids, passed out snacks, drinks, cake, helped with presents and handed out goody bags. They even wrote down gift items and names for thank you notes. I thought, pinch me, this is a dream! Then, while searching for the gift list later on, I found it crumpled in the bottom of one of the gift bags and was yanked down to reality. LOL! Hey, at least they kept the list!

We rounded out the day with dinner at one of Zoë’s favorite restaurants, Red Robin. We love the Red Robin birthday club. She has gotten her free birthday meal there for the past few years. Alison, Alex, Joshie & Lizzie all joined us. Zoë & Lizzie discussed bras on the ride over. Yep, you read that right. My Aunt Brenda, who was already Zoë’s favorite Aunt, has pretty much got the “favorite Aunt” title for life. She gave Zoë 3 sets of matching bras and underwear. When Zoë asked me to get her a bra a while ago, I laughed at her. When she told me she had friends at summer camp with bras, I laughed even harder. Now, thanks to the world’s greatest Aunt, she has been wearing a teeny tiny bra every day. I can’t even think about it without rolling my eyes. To top off this ridiculousness, this miniscule bra has the nerve to have a hook in the back and straps that can be tightened. (There go my eyes rolling again.) Zoë has put a bra on under her clothes, each day, by herself. Yesterday, it was on upside down. It’s usually hanging up around her neck like some sort of bra necklace. She also informed me that 3 bras just weren’t enough, she needed more. I told her to take that up with her favorite Aunt.

Oh, and apparently, Zoe was telling the truth about her friends at summer camp wearing bras. Lizzie told her mom (Ali) the same thing and named names. Who knew! I say enjoy not wearing a bra as long as you can get away with it.

I’d like to be a slacker for a day or two

I am on the bubble of madness & insanity. If one more thing breaks or stops working in my house I’m checking myself in to the loony bin. (Actually, the loony bin should have vacation packages, like the spa!) I would like to have at least one evening to myself, where I can watch TV, read a book, or hell, sit in a locked closet. But, no, instead, I get to cater to the needs of everyone else in my house, including the dog.

I hear people say all the time, “when it rains, it pours”. Boy, that is so true. Most of the time, I can hold it together pretty well, but it’s just getting to be too much. After the car repairs, A/C replacement & installation, refrigerator repair, and now our wireless router issues, my head is set to explode at any moment. I have so much to remember, so many things in my brain, that when I try to make a list, I end up with multiple lists! I feel like I do everything for everyone. (At home, & at work.) Most of this is my fault because I tend to take things over. But, I’ve found if I want something done, & done correctly, I have to do it myself. I also know that I’m not unique in any way & that millions of moms & wives out there feel the same way on a daily basis. I just need to figure out how to carve a little time out for myself, to do stuff I’d like to do. Is that selfish? I have been able to get 30 minutes in the morning for the treadmill. It’s a giant pain, because I have to get up super early to do so, while the rest of my family sleeps in as late as possible. So each morning, Prudence the pup wakes me up around 5:20, I stumble out of bed and take her outside. We come back in, she eats and we go back outside to avoid morning accidents. Then, I try for treadmill time. That was pretty much impossible with a dog running around and a husband & child sleeping. So, I broke down and got a puppy playpen. That has helped some; at least I can get 30 minutes in now. I’ve suggested some things to the family that would help. Those suggestions seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Even when I fell down the back steps, with the dog, because the backyard light has been broken for a year, nothing. Still no light. Yet, no one else seems willing to get up at 5:20 AM. What, do I need to break a leg? I even suggested making a brick pathway in the back yard. I saw a few extra walking stones out there yesterday, so maybe I’ll have a pathway by December.

I don’t think I’m asking for a whole lot, just a little time to watch a favorite TV show or read my Kindle. I try to go to bed on the early side because I have to get up so freaking early. As much as I say Zoë needs to go to bed at her usual bed time or earlier, Dan seems to think he’s doing her a favor by letting her stay up. That just ends up making the evening more stressful for everyone. The kid needs her sleep. So, my evenings are spent cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, and trying to straighten the hell hole that is my house lately. I apparently am the only one who notices the overflowing garbage can, the crumbs on the counter and dinner table, etc. And forget about sweeping! No one in my house seems to know how to handle a broom but me! By the time I’m done, I’m tired and just want to go to bed.

I’m tired to being the responsible one. I’d like someone to do things for me, try to anticipate my every need, surprise me by taking care of something without me begging and pleading. I’m just tired. I’m not special. I’m not superwoman. I’m definitely not the only one who can do these things around the house. It’s not rocket science. I need some time off. I want to be a slacker for a while.

Almost 40

I turn 40 this year and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I thought turning 30 was a huge pain in the ass, but I think 40 is way worse. Should I embrace it or be depressed? Part of me is trying to look at it positively, maybe shoot for a 40 and fabulous theme. The other part of me would like to sleep through the day and act like it never happened.


I remember when I thought 40 was so old. Well, actually, I still think it’s kind of old and that’s my problem. Doesn’t help that Dan is 3 ½ years younger than me either. So, I will always be OLD! It also doesn’t help that I remember my parents being 40. Let’s face it, it’s old. No matter how people try to justify it, 40 really is not the new 25 or 30 or whatever. We are all just fooling ourselves. Anyone claiming to be happy about it is lying.

So, if I do decide to embrace it, what should I do? I know people that plan trips, make big purchases, etc. I can’t think of anything. My neighbor and her husband are traveling to Europe to celebrate both of them turning 40 this year. Her husband turned 40 a couple of months ago and bought himself the motorcycle he always wanted. That’s pretty cool I guess. I can’t think of anything I really want all that much. I’m basically pretty low maintenance. I could do a spa day, but who wants to do that by themselves? I supposed people do though, so I guess I’ll put it on the list. I’m not the most exciting person in the world, so there will be no jumping out of airplanes or hang gliding for me. Is there somewhere I’ve wanted to go? Not really. Plus who wants to do that alone? I could get a massive makeover, or go to sona med spa for laser hair removal. I’ll add those to the list too. What kinds of things do I like? Well, I like purses & shoes. LOL! But that’s stuff I could get anytime, so what’s special about that? I guess I could pick a new favorite Vera Bradley pattern and then purchase a purse, wallet, luggage, laptop bag, etc. Maybe I could get myself an iPad. There’s an idea. (But if it’s anything like the iPod Touch I got for Mother’s Day, I will have to fight Zoë for it.) OK, I’ll put that on the list too. A nice digital camera? A video camera? Neither of those would really be for me though. LOL! I try my best to avoid all photos.

It’s sounding like sleeping the day away just might be the way to go. Less to think about. I could use a PTO day and hide out in the bedroom, in the dark. I could turn off my phone; unplug the computer and the TV. (That would never happen.) I would emerge only to eat and use the bathroom. For breakfast I’d have frozen vanilla milkshake pop tarts and coffee, ice cream for lunch & cake for dinner. My favorite cake too, the trashy, sweet white cake from Harris Teeter, with lots of white icing and a ton of flowers. (I want the corner pieces and all of the flowers. Hey, it’s my birthday!) I would wash that down with some Mike’s Hard Lemonade or Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade. Then, go back to bed. Hmmm, that’s not sounding like a bad day. Hey, I could even spring for some fancy pajamas or something. Ooooo, how about this, I could get one of those frozen margarita machines and some tequila and plug that puppy in, right in the bedroom. I would just need a cooler with ice, some margarita mix and a long straw. (I’d just drink straight from the blender.) At that point though, I should probably definitely turn off the phone and computer, so I don’t hurt any feelings since my “filter” would have shut down. And Lord knows what kind of stuff would get emailed, texted or tweeted. Although that could make for a fun 40th present to myself. One thing I do know for sure is that if anyone says “Lordy Lordy look who’s 40” I’m going to punch them right in the throat, no questions asked, equal opportunity.

Stress Club: Now accepting New Members

Anyone who knows me knows that I can take stressing out to a whole new level. As one of my talents, I’m pretty darn good at it. In fact, I’m such a good stress monger, I’ll even take on your stress. Bring it on!


My latest obsession, I mean stressor, is over bringing home Pru, our new boxer puppy, who just so happens to be all white. If you take a quick look into the history of the white boxer, you will see there is thought to be a link between white boxers and deafness. It has to do with the absence of pigment cells in the inner ear. The shortage or absence of these cells also is the cause of the white coat. Basically all white dogs (that are white due to the shortage of pigment cells) are at risk of being deaf, not just boxers.

But, here’s how the mind of a stress monger works. I have now fully convinced myself that this could be a huge issue and have worked myself up into a tizzy. What if Pru is deaf? In reality, what’s the big deal anyway? The percentages aren’t that bad really, but I never liked playing the odds and I ALWAYS assume the worst. Why am I even worried? She’s adorable and could be taught hand signals. Amos, our previous boxer, lost his hearing with old age and the hand signals were an awesome way to still communicate and connect with him. So, why am I worked up over this? It’s what I do and I’m damn good at it.

However, I think my stress over the white boxer runs a little deeper, in part, due to the fact that there are still breeders who put them down. How horrible is that? It wasn’t too long ago that white boxers were not even recognized by the AKC. They are now, but they cannot compete as “show” dogs. They can compete in agility competitions, etc. That bothers me too. Why shouldn’t they be able to compete as show dogs? It’s not like they are breed to be all white. Basically 1 in 4 boxers born are white. It’s straight up genetics. A roll of the dice, if you will. If the boxer carries the “white spotting gene”, a litter could have a white pup. I believe that flashy boxers all carry the white spotting gene, since to be considered “flashy” there has to be white covering at least 1/3 of the body. I could be wrong, but I believe flashy boxers are recognized and can be registered with the AKC.

The breeders that are still involved in the practice of euthanizing white boxer puppies, believe they wouldn’t be able to find a happy home for the puppies. It tears me to the core to think about the number of puppies that didn’t make it due to ignorance. Thankfully, there are breeders who display a “white boxer friendly” graphic, to let people know they are not involved in a stupid practice. (Yes Zoë, Mommy used the word “stupid”, sorry!)

So, for many many reasons, I am stressed over little Pru’s arrival at our home. We hope she isn’t unilaterally or bilaterally deaf, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. We are extremely excited and can’t wait to bring her home.

     Meet Pru!

Famous Amos

Just for kicks, we gave Amos the registered AKC name of "Famous Amos Mocha Coffee Nut".  We lost him last week, he would have been 13 in October, which is pretty old for a large dog.  He was an awesome dog, and he touched many people's lives.  He was actually Dan's dog and we had a tough time in the beginning.  Amos wasn't all that fond of my coming around.  We went to obedience classes together and became fast friends.  He was so funny and friendly.  There's a reason boxers are called the "clowns of the dog world".  Never a dull moment.  He loved his toys and loved to do the "run of terror" around the house.  He really really loved kids.  He would spot a child and his whole body would start to wiggle with excitement.  He loved to play and he was always full of life and energy. 

The obedience training led to us training him to be a therapy dog.  He was a perfect fit for it.  With lots of practice, we passed the Canine Good Citizen test and also the Therapy Dog International test.  We visited lots of people & places in the past eight years, once or twice a week.  He was well loved.  Before he retired from his therapy work, we visited two facilities on a regular basis.  An Alzheimer's facility and an assisted living facility.  We met one of our favorite people at the assisted living facility, Mrs. Mosley.  She and Amos became great friends and when she moved in with her son, we went to visit her at her house.  Amos became such a huge part of her life that he and I both went to her memorial service when she passed away.  (He was kind of a shock to many of the guests!)  I picture Amos and Mrs. Mosley, together again, in Heaven.  I know they are taking good care of each other. 

When I was pregnant with Zoe, Amos and I developed a very strong bond.  Not sure why, but that bond stayed in place until the end.  He seemed to know when I was happy or sad, and when I just needed him to hang with me.  Since I go to bed before Dan almost always, every night (up until about a week before he died), Amos curled up beside me on the bed until Dan came to bed.  Then he would sleep on his dog bed in our bedroom.  Night times have been hard for me, I miss my furry baby so much.  RIP

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my buddy!

Super Dog for Halloween!

Relaxing with Ethan.

 Hanging out at the lake!

Loving (or hating) his Christmas sweater!

Yet another Christmas sweater!  Poor dog!

Changing work schedule

Today I started my new work schedule, which is really my old schedule, for the most part.  I don't know how full-time working mommies do it and keep sane.  I went back to work full-time in December, after a few years of 32 hours per week.  I just can't get it together!  Our company merged, so the new company policy is to work 35 hours per week to keep benefits, so that's what I'm going to do.  Since Dan works a contract, we get our benefits thru my job.  I know that doesn't seem like much, but being able to log some hours from home will be awesome. 

Well, the past few months, I've been a bitchy, stressed out mess at home and at work.  My house is a complete disaster. I can't keep up with laundry, can't volunteer for much at Zoe's school, can't even have lunch with her.  By the time I got home from work, I was physically and mentally exhausted.  I actually like to cook, but just didn't feel like doing that or much of anything.  I would get up very early and try to do house stuff before getting Zoe ready for school, then rush off to work.  After work, I would rush home to meet the school bus and take Zoe to whatever activity scheduled for that day.  It really felt like I was doing everything I did at home before, plus working 40 hours, with little or no help. 

So, I really hope I have made the right decision.  Tomorrow will be a "home" day, and I am actually looking forward to cleaning, straightening and getting my house in order.  I will log in remotely to work.  I was so much happier before, when I had this schedule.  I hope I can find that happiness again.  Of course, I'm totally stressed out now and have convinced myself that someone will complain.  I never had complaints in the past, but I still worry.  Jobs are scarce out there and I'd probably never find a job that allowed me to have a flexible schedule.  So, hopefully all the years I've put in and work I've done will keep things going smoothly.  Fingers & toes crossed.

Girly Day!!

Zoe dubbed yesterday “Girly Day”. It was fun. It’s nice to do something girly every once in a while and get pampered. She and Lizzie really seemed to have a good time at the nail spa. Something tells me we’ve created monsters. I have to hand it to My Nail Spa, they were awesome with the kids. I’m sure it could get frustrating, but they treated the girls like princesses. They got to pick colors for their fingernails and toenails, and tiny decorations to make them really fancy. They even got to soak their feet and sit under the nail dryer.

After that, we took the girls to lunch. They picked Burger King. Yuck, thankfully Ali and I ate something else since we were at the mall. Then we went to Gymboree and they picked out some clothes. Both of them picked out hats. Lizzie picked a fabulous floppy sun hat, while Zoe added another “secret agent” fedora to her hat collection.

We rounded out Girly Day with a trip to Build A Bear for Lizzie’s birthday party followed by cupcakes. On the way out of the mall, the girls stopped by the exhibit for the Broadway show "Wicked".  Can't have Girly Day without pink feather boas and tiaras!  (And a magic wand of course!)

All in all, I think the girls had great day getting pampered and having fun. Now I just need to make my appointment at My Nail Spa.

Spring Break 2010

My first official spring break with Zoe wasn’t too bad, all things considered. Next year, I think I will take the easy way out and just go visit family in Virginia for a week. I can pawn her off on grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. Spring break kind of snuck up on me this year. We created a list of potential activities, so we could choose one “fun” activity a day.


Day 1 – Went to the Lego Store. Zoe made three Lego people, which was cute, but we have like a thousand of those tiny Lego people. Then we went to Claire’s to ask if they could pierce both ears at the same time. They said yes, want to do it now? So we did. Zoe did great. She is very happy about her earrings. Then we visited Game Stop and took a look around at the games on sale.

Day 2 – Met grandma for lunch at Bear Rock Café. I try to do lunch with my MIL and Zoe when we can. After that, we went to the 10th circle of hell, known as Chuck E Cheese. Ugh. Zoe had a great time, so I guess that is what counts.

Day 3 – Ate lunch at Burger King. (Zoe’s favorite, not mine.) Then went to a free golf clinic for kids. Zoe had a blast. It was neat to see all those kids out there playing in the sunshine. I got to read my Kindle for a couple of hours. Can’t beat that!

Day 4 – Daddy took today off, not one of Zoe’s better days. They went to the movies to see How to Train your Dragon. That was cool. Had a little quiet time at home. After the movie, she went back to being bad and pushing daddy’s buttons. She succeeded.

Day 5 – Zoe started the day off by pushing Daddy’s buttons some more. She managed to tick him off again. For our fun activity, we had breakfast at Denny’s and then headed to Build A Bear. We had a great time. Got home and Zoe took up her favorite activity called “How quickly can I tick Daddy off”. She may have scored her best time yet. Got to spend quite a bit of time in her room, screaming, throwing things, etc. Good times!

All in all, it wasn’t too bad. The last couple of days were a little shaky, but that’s it. I think we are all looking forward to her going to school on Monday.

We thought she was writing a nice note!

Boy were we wrong. We were way off! I remember when she wrote this one. She told us she was writing Jack a note. She got some paper, some crayons and sat down at the table. Then asked if she could go deliver it. My mistake was not looking at the note. I mean really, of course my little girl is writing something sweet and nice, right? Big fat WRONG!


Fast forward to a few minutes ago, the doorbell rings, it's one of my neighbors. She's holding a note. She asked if it was Zoe's handwriting, I said yes, that looks like the note she was writing the other day. She said it blew into her yard and thought I might want to see & read the note. I'm like, OK, sure. OMG! It was an "I hate you" note! I am so embarrassed! (Her penmanship has improved though, so I guess that's a positive.) The note said "Jack" on the front, with a red heart crossed out with an "X". On the inside it said (complete with backwards "J") "Jac I hat you becus you are men". Then she drew a picture with an arrow pointing to it with "Jack" written over the arrow. The picture even had blonde hair. Dan said, when she was writing the note, she had asked him what color Jack's hair was and he said blonde. She said "that's yellow, right"? Little did we know why she wanted that information.

Here's the kicker, my neighbor said she wanted to make sure I knew about the note because Zoe had written her son a similar note a few weeks ago. WTF? Now, don't get me wrong, we have gotten our share of "I hate you" notes from her in the past. We've even kept some, because they are freaking hilarious. We've gotten pictures with faces marked out with “mom or dad” written over them". She always seems to "hat" us about something, but I was totally caught off guard this time. I'm still in shock.

Much needed couple time

Sometimes, you go so long without having any couple time that you start to think that's the norm.  I'm not sure the last time we got to spend a nice evening alone.  We usually get at least once a month, when Zoe does her "sleepover" at Grandma's.  (She calls it her sleepover.  LOL!)  We had a nice evening tonight, out of the blue, totally unplanned.  It made us realize that we really do need to take time for each other and that it really takes an effort from both of us.  We've kind of been just co-existing I think.  Hanging as a family, as parents, but we need to work on getting the "couple" back.  I think we can do it. 

Our neighbor has two daughters that Zoe plays with.  The older one was having a birthday sleepover.  The younger sister asked if Zoe could sleepover as well.  It was like a much needed gift.  Dan & I had dinner, talked, played some Wii games, we had fun.  It's really been a long time. 

Wonder if we'll be getting a phone call at midnight saying Zoe wants to come home?  Should be interesting.  I guess technically it's not her first sleepover, if you count Grandma's house or when her friend Lizzie stayed over.  My baby is growing up so fast!

Kindergarten boyfriend

I can't even say the words without cringing.  I'm told that it's probably a phase and to roll with it, but truth be told, I am appalled at the whole idea.  What the heck?  This is too much for my nerves to take. I'm not even really sure what bothers me so much about it.  I know it's all innocent, but it just seems like she is too young to even know the word "boyfriend".  She told me her boyfriend was Caleb and that he was in love with her.  Even just writing that makes my hands shake.  It doesn't help that I've seen Caleb "Mr. Fast Pants" at work at the bus stop, and I don't like it.  He's very touchy.  Apparently he was hugged up on her, on the school bus today too.  Some neighbor kids told me that one.  I guess I will just have to try not to think about it, not sure what else to do.  I did tell her that she needed to tell him to keep his hands to himself and that I didn't want to hear about any kissing either.  That would push me completely over the edge that I'm barely hanging on to right now.  Ugh!  Just enjoy being a 5 year old!  What happened to boys being gross?  Aren't boys supposed to be gross and disgusting at this age? 

Working Mom

Sometimes it's really hard to balance working and home life.  This is one of those times.  I try so hard to be organized, but sometimes things just are beyond my control.  Dan is out of town this weekend, it's been planned for a while.  Of course, my work migration/merger project is happening this weekend.  Talk about feeling alone and like a failure!  Thankfully, my MIL was able to have Zoe stay overnight.  I've been here at the office since 9:00 AM.  This morning, I had to make sure I had a bag packed for Zoe and all her school stuff.  I left work about 2:00 and went home, so Amos wouldn't be in the crate for 24 hours!  Hung out with him a little, then met the bus.  Then we rushed out to make it to Phyllis' office, so I could go back to work and here I am.  Now, I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to get back to let Amos out again and I also was hoping to do some grocery shopping.  I have no groceries.  Couldn't go earlier because I didn't have any time to make a grocery list.  So, I rushed and made grocery list while waiting for the bus.  LOL!   You do what you have to do!  Well, it's not looking like I'll be making it to Harris Teeter tonight.  Which means, who knows when I'll get to go.  When I do actually leave here tonight, I will most certainly have to log in from home.  Tomorrow I have to pick Zoe up and then take her to a birthday party.  I wish I had the foresight to find someone to help me out this weekend.  But, I wasn't thinking I guess.  Can't think of everything I guess.  If I have to come in the office, I will have to bring Zoe, but when the heck am I going to?  We have a birthday party to go to on Sunday too.  I'm so tired of working! 

So, how do these mom's do it?  Do they have nannies?  Family members that are close by?  I wish I knew.  But, this weekend, I'm kind of feeling like a failure.  Mostly a failure to my family because I want them to come first, yet, here I am at the office STILL!

Will I ever get a good night's sleep?

It's not looking likely.  I remember when Zoe was a baby, people told me "oh it will get much better at night as she gets older".  HA!  They lied!  I can't tell you the last time I had a good, uninterrupted, night of sleep.  Wait, yes I can.  It was last month, when Zoe spent the night at Grandma's.  Basically I get one good nights sleep a month.  And, sometimes, not even that, when Amos decides to be a pain. 

The sad part is that for me, sleep really is like a daily vitamin.  My body feels good, I'm in a good mood, all is right with the world.  Don't get me wrong, I am trying to get sleep.  I even do my best to be in bed by 9:30/9:45 PM.  So things start off good.  Then, Amos will need to go out and he will bypass anyone else in the house to get me.  So many nights, I am startled out of a sound sleep by Amos whining.  I get back to sleep, only to wake up practically hanging off the bed because Zoe has climbed in our bed and has taken over all the extra space.  I've tried it all.  We put her back in her bed and she just comes back.  I've tried just scooting down to the bottom of the bed and she makes her way down to the bottom of the bed too.  I've tried sleeping in the guest bed and if she wakes up and I'm not there, she goes to find me and climbs into bed.  That's if Amos doesn't get there first.  He also stalks me at night.  If I get up to go to the bathroom, he's usually right behind me.  (Making sure I don't make a run for it?)

A few nights ago, I was exhausted.  I wasn't able to get to sleep much and finally decided since Zoe was in our bed, I'd go sleep in her bed.  I was in her bed about 5 minutes before Amos found me and jumped up to share the bed with me.  So, once again, I had about a 2 inch strip of bed to try to sleep on.  It doesn't work well.  Between the two of them, I'm never going to get sleep again. 

I don't even know what to do anymore.  Do I spend the next few months taking her back to bed multiple times a night?  Do, I go to the guest bed and lock the door and try to ignore Amos whining?  Apparently, everyone else in my house can sleep through his whining.  LOL!  Plus, Zoe is really good at unlocking doors, so it's not like it would do that much good. 

All I know is that I either need to start getting some sleep or my body needs to hurry up and adjust to little or no sleep.  Wonder how long that will take? 

Agent Z - The international super spy

You've got to love kids with an active imagination.  The past couple of days, Zoe has become "Agent Z", an international super spy.  She's been tip-toeing and scurrying around the house in sunglasses and a pink, glittery fedora.  LOL!  We've been told we have to call her Agent Z and she is the spy boss.  Last night, she slinked into the living room, peeked around the corner and then rolled on the ground to get to the other side of the room.  Like a bad police academy movie.  It's cracking me up!  She totally gets into character.  I'll have to try to get a photo. 

We've had days when she was a rockstar, complete with microphone and fingerless gloves.  A cowgirl, where she wore her cowgirl boots with just about everything.  We've had pink cowgirl boots and bright red ones.   She's been a ninja, wearing her old Tae Kwon Do outfit, running thru the house kicking things.  A superhero, complete with cape.  We also went thru a pirate phase, which included an eye patch.  She would want to go to the store with me wearing the eye patch!  The fun never stops! 

And, I hope it never stops for her.  A healthy imagination is a good thing.  I can't wait to see what she comes up with next!  For now, back to following Agent Z!

Daddy Daughter Drama

I think I'll just call it "DDD" for short.  What is up with that?  Lately it has been the worst!  Zoe looks for any kind of buttons she can push to get Daddy to pretty much lose it.  Is it an attention thing?  Is it just a 5 yr old girl thing?  Who knows, I don't.  But I do know that it is driving me crazy.  Almost every morning and every night there is some type of drama, yelling, door slamming, etc.  I'm thinking by the time Zoe hits 13, her bedroom door will have been removed.  It is a blatant power struggle mostly.  Dan asks her to do something, she flat out tells him "no".  He gets mad, she is being disrespectful, then the yelling begins.  She screams that she hates him, he's mean, lots of stomping, etc.  Ugh.  This latest event, has caused her to be mad for 2 days.  The funny thing is that she has nothing to be mad or upset about.  She was in the wrong, she was being disrespectful to him, so why is she mad?  Who knows.  I just try to keep my mouth shut because whenever I do try to "intervene" the outcome is never good.  I might have to do what Amos, our boxer, does when they argue, he quietly leaves the room and heads to a back corner in the bathroom.  LOL! 

I thought little girls were supposed to be "Daddy's girls", at least that is what people told me.  I'm sure it will change at some point and I will be the villan.  Everyone told me at the beginning, oh she is going to be such a daddy's girl, watch out!  When?  When does this happen?  I'm not complaining though, I like that she is a momma's girl, but I still wonder what I did wrong.  (Everything that goes wrong is somehow my fault!) 

Well, it should be interesting to see how this plays out.  Like I said, this is Day 2.  Last night when Daddy went to do the nighttime routine, she said she didn't want him there.  He took away her Wii remote and stuffed animal after the "incident".  We gave her the opportunity to "earn" them back and she, so far, has declined.  I don't know how long she can hold out though. 

It's never dull at our house, especially when the DDD is in full swing, which seems to be about every other day!  If only I could find that instruction manual.  LOL!

Bus duty

Daddy is in charge of getting Zoë to the bus today. I haven't heard from him this morning, that could be good or bad. LOL! Last time, they missed the bus & Zoë was not too happy. Thankfully the school is in the neighborhood so it really wasn't an issue.

Last night I said to Zoë "daddy will be getting you ready in the morning". Her response "sigh...he made me miss the bus last time". I told her I was sure that wouldn't happen again. Boy will I hear about it if it does. LOL!

I'm a little scared since I haven't received a phone call, email or text.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Snow Day

OMG!  This was our first experience with a school snow day.  Going to have to get things better organized!  I was able to work from home some, but that's pretty much an impossible task with a 5 year old.  Thankfully, we've got kids in our cul-de-sac that she plays with, so it helped some.  I hope we don't have to do this again any time soon.  I was running out of things for us to do.  There are only so many bribes I can use to get her to stop talking to me during a conference call!  This time lunch at Burger King and a quick trip to the Disney Store to get a Club Penguin puffle did the trick.  LOL!

Always late

Why didn't someone warn me that no matter how much of an "on time for appointments" person or "early for appointments" person you were before children, after having a kid you will be permanently late for everything. Maybe it's just me. I used to be consistently a few minutes early for everything. Now I have become "the always late" person. It drives me nuts. No matter how prepared I am or how much time I allow, if Zoë is with me something will happen to make us late.

We were late for dance AGAIN! We are late every week. I feel like all I do is apologize to the teachers. I try so hard. Why do I bother? I had her outfit, etc ready. Even had dinner on the table at a decent time. It's always some kind of drama too. I have given birth to a drama queen! This time we had to threaten her & pry the Wii remote out of her hand while she screamed that she wasn't finished playing the frisbee game yet. Whatever kid. LOL!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Morning Drama

Why, why, why must we have all the morning drama?  EVERY day!  Is it a girl thing?  Some mornings I just want to leave and head to work while she's whining & carrying on about some tiny little thing.  It could range from the outfit that SHE picked out the night before has somehow changed and she doesn't want to wear it, to Amos (our boxer) looked at her funny (licked her shoe, drooled on her chair, tried to eat her breakfast, you name it), to me having to pat her down to make sure she's not trying to sneak some odd item to school.  It wears me out.  No wonder I'm always tired!

A new year!

We’ve started a brand new year and I still can’t find that elusive Mommy instruction manual. How come everyone else seems to have it but me? Do they give it out at the hospital? If so, then somehow I missed it. I feel like I’m making things up as I go along. Who knew one kid could be so much work? Kudos to those with multiples. Maybe they got the latest manual edition or have better organizing skills than I do. Or maybe, they just have that natural instinct that I swear I’m missing sometimes.


Anyhoo, I’m blogging on the premise that laughter is way better than crying, and I hope that humor can get me through some of the tough times.