I am on the bubble of madness & insanity. If one more thing breaks or stops working in my house I’m checking myself in to the loony bin. (Actually, the loony bin should have vacation packages, like the spa!) I would like to have at least one evening to myself, where I can watch TV, read a book, or hell, sit in a locked closet. But, no, instead, I get to cater to the needs of everyone else in my house, including the dog.
I hear people say all the time, “when it rains, it pours”. Boy, that is so true. Most of the time, I can hold it together pretty well, but it’s just getting to be too much. After the car repairs, A/C replacement & installation, refrigerator repair, and now our wireless router issues, my head is set to explode at any moment. I have so much to remember, so many things in my brain, that when I try to make a list, I end up with multiple lists! I feel like I do everything for everyone. (At home, & at work.) Most of this is my fault because I tend to take things over. But, I’ve found if I want something done, & done correctly, I have to do it myself. I also know that I’m not unique in any way & that millions of moms & wives out there feel the same way on a daily basis. I just need to figure out how to carve a little time out for myself, to do stuff I’d like to do. Is that selfish? I have been able to get 30 minutes in the morning for the treadmill. It’s a giant pain, because I have to get up super early to do so, while the rest of my family sleeps in as late as possible. So each morning, Prudence the pup wakes me up around 5:20, I stumble out of bed and take her outside. We come back in, she eats and we go back outside to avoid morning accidents. Then, I try for treadmill time. That was pretty much impossible with a dog running around and a husband & child sleeping. So, I broke down and got a puppy playpen. That has helped some; at least I can get 30 minutes in now. I’ve suggested some things to the family that would help. Those suggestions seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Even when I fell down the back steps, with the dog, because the backyard light has been broken for a year, nothing. Still no light. Yet, no one else seems willing to get up at 5:20 AM. What, do I need to break a leg? I even suggested making a brick pathway in the back yard. I saw a few extra walking stones out there yesterday, so maybe I’ll have a pathway by December.
I don’t think I’m asking for a whole lot, just a little time to watch a favorite TV show or read my Kindle. I try to go to bed on the early side because I have to get up so freaking early. As much as I say Zoë needs to go to bed at her usual bed time or earlier, Dan seems to think he’s doing her a favor by letting her stay up. That just ends up making the evening more stressful for everyone. The kid needs her sleep. So, my evenings are spent cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, and trying to straighten the hell hole that is my house lately. I apparently am the only one who notices the overflowing garbage can, the crumbs on the counter and dinner table, etc. And forget about sweeping! No one in my house seems to know how to handle a broom but me! By the time I’m done, I’m tired and just want to go to bed.
I’m tired to being the responsible one. I’d like someone to do things for me, try to anticipate my every need, surprise me by taking care of something without me begging and pleading. I’m just tired. I’m not special. I’m not superwoman. I’m definitely not the only one who can do these things around the house. It’s not rocket science. I need some time off. I want to be a slacker for a while.