I’d like to be a slacker for a day or two

I am on the bubble of madness & insanity. If one more thing breaks or stops working in my house I’m checking myself in to the loony bin. (Actually, the loony bin should have vacation packages, like the spa!) I would like to have at least one evening to myself, where I can watch TV, read a book, or hell, sit in a locked closet. But, no, instead, I get to cater to the needs of everyone else in my house, including the dog.

I hear people say all the time, “when it rains, it pours”. Boy, that is so true. Most of the time, I can hold it together pretty well, but it’s just getting to be too much. After the car repairs, A/C replacement & installation, refrigerator repair, and now our wireless router issues, my head is set to explode at any moment. I have so much to remember, so many things in my brain, that when I try to make a list, I end up with multiple lists! I feel like I do everything for everyone. (At home, & at work.) Most of this is my fault because I tend to take things over. But, I’ve found if I want something done, & done correctly, I have to do it myself. I also know that I’m not unique in any way & that millions of moms & wives out there feel the same way on a daily basis. I just need to figure out how to carve a little time out for myself, to do stuff I’d like to do. Is that selfish? I have been able to get 30 minutes in the morning for the treadmill. It’s a giant pain, because I have to get up super early to do so, while the rest of my family sleeps in as late as possible. So each morning, Prudence the pup wakes me up around 5:20, I stumble out of bed and take her outside. We come back in, she eats and we go back outside to avoid morning accidents. Then, I try for treadmill time. That was pretty much impossible with a dog running around and a husband & child sleeping. So, I broke down and got a puppy playpen. That has helped some; at least I can get 30 minutes in now. I’ve suggested some things to the family that would help. Those suggestions seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Even when I fell down the back steps, with the dog, because the backyard light has been broken for a year, nothing. Still no light. Yet, no one else seems willing to get up at 5:20 AM. What, do I need to break a leg? I even suggested making a brick pathway in the back yard. I saw a few extra walking stones out there yesterday, so maybe I’ll have a pathway by December.

I don’t think I’m asking for a whole lot, just a little time to watch a favorite TV show or read my Kindle. I try to go to bed on the early side because I have to get up so freaking early. As much as I say Zoë needs to go to bed at her usual bed time or earlier, Dan seems to think he’s doing her a favor by letting her stay up. That just ends up making the evening more stressful for everyone. The kid needs her sleep. So, my evenings are spent cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, and trying to straighten the hell hole that is my house lately. I apparently am the only one who notices the overflowing garbage can, the crumbs on the counter and dinner table, etc. And forget about sweeping! No one in my house seems to know how to handle a broom but me! By the time I’m done, I’m tired and just want to go to bed.

I’m tired to being the responsible one. I’d like someone to do things for me, try to anticipate my every need, surprise me by taking care of something without me begging and pleading. I’m just tired. I’m not special. I’m not superwoman. I’m definitely not the only one who can do these things around the house. It’s not rocket science. I need some time off. I want to be a slacker for a while.

Almost 40

I turn 40 this year and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I thought turning 30 was a huge pain in the ass, but I think 40 is way worse. Should I embrace it or be depressed? Part of me is trying to look at it positively, maybe shoot for a 40 and fabulous theme. The other part of me would like to sleep through the day and act like it never happened.


I remember when I thought 40 was so old. Well, actually, I still think it’s kind of old and that’s my problem. Doesn’t help that Dan is 3 ½ years younger than me either. So, I will always be OLD! It also doesn’t help that I remember my parents being 40. Let’s face it, it’s old. No matter how people try to justify it, 40 really is not the new 25 or 30 or whatever. We are all just fooling ourselves. Anyone claiming to be happy about it is lying.

So, if I do decide to embrace it, what should I do? I know people that plan trips, make big purchases, etc. I can’t think of anything. My neighbor and her husband are traveling to Europe to celebrate both of them turning 40 this year. Her husband turned 40 a couple of months ago and bought himself the motorcycle he always wanted. That’s pretty cool I guess. I can’t think of anything I really want all that much. I’m basically pretty low maintenance. I could do a spa day, but who wants to do that by themselves? I supposed people do though, so I guess I’ll put it on the list. I’m not the most exciting person in the world, so there will be no jumping out of airplanes or hang gliding for me. Is there somewhere I’ve wanted to go? Not really. Plus who wants to do that alone? I could get a massive makeover, or go to sona med spa for laser hair removal. I’ll add those to the list too. What kinds of things do I like? Well, I like purses & shoes. LOL! But that’s stuff I could get anytime, so what’s special about that? I guess I could pick a new favorite Vera Bradley pattern and then purchase a purse, wallet, luggage, laptop bag, etc. Maybe I could get myself an iPad. There’s an idea. (But if it’s anything like the iPod Touch I got for Mother’s Day, I will have to fight Zoë for it.) OK, I’ll put that on the list too. A nice digital camera? A video camera? Neither of those would really be for me though. LOL! I try my best to avoid all photos.

It’s sounding like sleeping the day away just might be the way to go. Less to think about. I could use a PTO day and hide out in the bedroom, in the dark. I could turn off my phone; unplug the computer and the TV. (That would never happen.) I would emerge only to eat and use the bathroom. For breakfast I’d have frozen vanilla milkshake pop tarts and coffee, ice cream for lunch & cake for dinner. My favorite cake too, the trashy, sweet white cake from Harris Teeter, with lots of white icing and a ton of flowers. (I want the corner pieces and all of the flowers. Hey, it’s my birthday!) I would wash that down with some Mike’s Hard Lemonade or Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade. Then, go back to bed. Hmmm, that’s not sounding like a bad day. Hey, I could even spring for some fancy pajamas or something. Ooooo, how about this, I could get one of those frozen margarita machines and some tequila and plug that puppy in, right in the bedroom. I would just need a cooler with ice, some margarita mix and a long straw. (I’d just drink straight from the blender.) At that point though, I should probably definitely turn off the phone and computer, so I don’t hurt any feelings since my “filter” would have shut down. And Lord knows what kind of stuff would get emailed, texted or tweeted. Although that could make for a fun 40th present to myself. One thing I do know for sure is that if anyone says “Lordy Lordy look who’s 40” I’m going to punch them right in the throat, no questions asked, equal opportunity.

Stress Club: Now accepting New Members

Anyone who knows me knows that I can take stressing out to a whole new level. As one of my talents, I’m pretty darn good at it. In fact, I’m such a good stress monger, I’ll even take on your stress. Bring it on!


My latest obsession, I mean stressor, is over bringing home Pru, our new boxer puppy, who just so happens to be all white. If you take a quick look into the history of the white boxer, you will see there is thought to be a link between white boxers and deafness. It has to do with the absence of pigment cells in the inner ear. The shortage or absence of these cells also is the cause of the white coat. Basically all white dogs (that are white due to the shortage of pigment cells) are at risk of being deaf, not just boxers.

But, here’s how the mind of a stress monger works. I have now fully convinced myself that this could be a huge issue and have worked myself up into a tizzy. What if Pru is deaf? In reality, what’s the big deal anyway? The percentages aren’t that bad really, but I never liked playing the odds and I ALWAYS assume the worst. Why am I even worried? She’s adorable and could be taught hand signals. Amos, our previous boxer, lost his hearing with old age and the hand signals were an awesome way to still communicate and connect with him. So, why am I worked up over this? It’s what I do and I’m damn good at it.

However, I think my stress over the white boxer runs a little deeper, in part, due to the fact that there are still breeders who put them down. How horrible is that? It wasn’t too long ago that white boxers were not even recognized by the AKC. They are now, but they cannot compete as “show” dogs. They can compete in agility competitions, etc. That bothers me too. Why shouldn’t they be able to compete as show dogs? It’s not like they are breed to be all white. Basically 1 in 4 boxers born are white. It’s straight up genetics. A roll of the dice, if you will. If the boxer carries the “white spotting gene”, a litter could have a white pup. I believe that flashy boxers all carry the white spotting gene, since to be considered “flashy” there has to be white covering at least 1/3 of the body. I could be wrong, but I believe flashy boxers are recognized and can be registered with the AKC.

The breeders that are still involved in the practice of euthanizing white boxer puppies, believe they wouldn’t be able to find a happy home for the puppies. It tears me to the core to think about the number of puppies that didn’t make it due to ignorance. Thankfully, there are breeders who display a “white boxer friendly” graphic, to let people know they are not involved in a stupid practice. (Yes Zoë, Mommy used the word “stupid”, sorry!)

So, for many many reasons, I am stressed over little Pru’s arrival at our home. We hope she isn’t unilaterally or bilaterally deaf, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. We are extremely excited and can’t wait to bring her home.

     Meet Pru!

Famous Amos

Just for kicks, we gave Amos the registered AKC name of "Famous Amos Mocha Coffee Nut".  We lost him last week, he would have been 13 in October, which is pretty old for a large dog.  He was an awesome dog, and he touched many people's lives.  He was actually Dan's dog and we had a tough time in the beginning.  Amos wasn't all that fond of my coming around.  We went to obedience classes together and became fast friends.  He was so funny and friendly.  There's a reason boxers are called the "clowns of the dog world".  Never a dull moment.  He loved his toys and loved to do the "run of terror" around the house.  He really really loved kids.  He would spot a child and his whole body would start to wiggle with excitement.  He loved to play and he was always full of life and energy. 

The obedience training led to us training him to be a therapy dog.  He was a perfect fit for it.  With lots of practice, we passed the Canine Good Citizen test and also the Therapy Dog International test.  We visited lots of people & places in the past eight years, once or twice a week.  He was well loved.  Before he retired from his therapy work, we visited two facilities on a regular basis.  An Alzheimer's facility and an assisted living facility.  We met one of our favorite people at the assisted living facility, Mrs. Mosley.  She and Amos became great friends and when she moved in with her son, we went to visit her at her house.  Amos became such a huge part of her life that he and I both went to her memorial service when she passed away.  (He was kind of a shock to many of the guests!)  I picture Amos and Mrs. Mosley, together again, in Heaven.  I know they are taking good care of each other. 

When I was pregnant with Zoe, Amos and I developed a very strong bond.  Not sure why, but that bond stayed in place until the end.  He seemed to know when I was happy or sad, and when I just needed him to hang with me.  Since I go to bed before Dan almost always, every night (up until about a week before he died), Amos curled up beside me on the bed until Dan came to bed.  Then he would sleep on his dog bed in our bedroom.  Night times have been hard for me, I miss my furry baby so much.  RIP

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my buddy!

Super Dog for Halloween!

Relaxing with Ethan.

 Hanging out at the lake!

Loving (or hating) his Christmas sweater!

Yet another Christmas sweater!  Poor dog!

Changing work schedule

Today I started my new work schedule, which is really my old schedule, for the most part.  I don't know how full-time working mommies do it and keep sane.  I went back to work full-time in December, after a few years of 32 hours per week.  I just can't get it together!  Our company merged, so the new company policy is to work 35 hours per week to keep benefits, so that's what I'm going to do.  Since Dan works a contract, we get our benefits thru my job.  I know that doesn't seem like much, but being able to log some hours from home will be awesome. 

Well, the past few months, I've been a bitchy, stressed out mess at home and at work.  My house is a complete disaster. I can't keep up with laundry, can't volunteer for much at Zoe's school, can't even have lunch with her.  By the time I got home from work, I was physically and mentally exhausted.  I actually like to cook, but just didn't feel like doing that or much of anything.  I would get up very early and try to do house stuff before getting Zoe ready for school, then rush off to work.  After work, I would rush home to meet the school bus and take Zoe to whatever activity scheduled for that day.  It really felt like I was doing everything I did at home before, plus working 40 hours, with little or no help. 

So, I really hope I have made the right decision.  Tomorrow will be a "home" day, and I am actually looking forward to cleaning, straightening and getting my house in order.  I will log in remotely to work.  I was so much happier before, when I had this schedule.  I hope I can find that happiness again.  Of course, I'm totally stressed out now and have convinced myself that someone will complain.  I never had complaints in the past, but I still worry.  Jobs are scarce out there and I'd probably never find a job that allowed me to have a flexible schedule.  So, hopefully all the years I've put in and work I've done will keep things going smoothly.  Fingers & toes crossed.

Girly Day!!

Zoe dubbed yesterday “Girly Day”. It was fun. It’s nice to do something girly every once in a while and get pampered. She and Lizzie really seemed to have a good time at the nail spa. Something tells me we’ve created monsters. I have to hand it to My Nail Spa, they were awesome with the kids. I’m sure it could get frustrating, but they treated the girls like princesses. They got to pick colors for their fingernails and toenails, and tiny decorations to make them really fancy. They even got to soak their feet and sit under the nail dryer.

After that, we took the girls to lunch. They picked Burger King. Yuck, thankfully Ali and I ate something else since we were at the mall. Then we went to Gymboree and they picked out some clothes. Both of them picked out hats. Lizzie picked a fabulous floppy sun hat, while Zoe added another “secret agent” fedora to her hat collection.

We rounded out Girly Day with a trip to Build A Bear for Lizzie’s birthday party followed by cupcakes. On the way out of the mall, the girls stopped by the exhibit for the Broadway show "Wicked".  Can't have Girly Day without pink feather boas and tiaras!  (And a magic wand of course!)

All in all, I think the girls had great day getting pampered and having fun. Now I just need to make my appointment at My Nail Spa.

Spring Break 2010

My first official spring break with Zoe wasn’t too bad, all things considered. Next year, I think I will take the easy way out and just go visit family in Virginia for a week. I can pawn her off on grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. Spring break kind of snuck up on me this year. We created a list of potential activities, so we could choose one “fun” activity a day.


Day 1 – Went to the Lego Store. Zoe made three Lego people, which was cute, but we have like a thousand of those tiny Lego people. Then we went to Claire’s to ask if they could pierce both ears at the same time. They said yes, want to do it now? So we did. Zoe did great. She is very happy about her earrings. Then we visited Game Stop and took a look around at the games on sale.

Day 2 – Met grandma for lunch at Bear Rock Café. I try to do lunch with my MIL and Zoe when we can. After that, we went to the 10th circle of hell, known as Chuck E Cheese. Ugh. Zoe had a great time, so I guess that is what counts.

Day 3 – Ate lunch at Burger King. (Zoe’s favorite, not mine.) Then went to a free golf clinic for kids. Zoe had a blast. It was neat to see all those kids out there playing in the sunshine. I got to read my Kindle for a couple of hours. Can’t beat that!

Day 4 – Daddy took today off, not one of Zoe’s better days. They went to the movies to see How to Train your Dragon. That was cool. Had a little quiet time at home. After the movie, she went back to being bad and pushing daddy’s buttons. She succeeded.

Day 5 – Zoe started the day off by pushing Daddy’s buttons some more. She managed to tick him off again. For our fun activity, we had breakfast at Denny’s and then headed to Build A Bear. We had a great time. Got home and Zoe took up her favorite activity called “How quickly can I tick Daddy off”. She may have scored her best time yet. Got to spend quite a bit of time in her room, screaming, throwing things, etc. Good times!

All in all, it wasn’t too bad. The last couple of days were a little shaky, but that’s it. I think we are all looking forward to her going to school on Monday.