The Holiday Blues

Every year, around this time, I get what I call the “holiday blues”. I’m not sure what triggers it, but I can count on it like clockwork. I get depressed and weepy, and really just want to lock myself in the bedroom and stay under the covers. Every year I tell myself, I’m going to beat the blues this time. I decorate, bake, put on the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, play Christmas music, make Zoë do some crazy crafts, mail Christmas cards, you name it. I’ve done it all. I do a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, support the Angel Tree, try to visit and help people. None of this really helps. At the end of the day, I’m still depressed. Usually, the only thing that can break through is watching Zoë enjoy the magic and spirit of Christmas. I can always count on that! (I hope that Zoë never feels blue around the holidays!)

I think it stems from awful holidays past. My body is conditioned to prepare itself for disappointment. I’m sure this year will be no different, probably worse, since I can’t seem to get myself organized and ready. I feel like I’ve done nothing. Usually, by now, I’ve at least gotten a little Christmas shopping done and taken advantage of early deals. Nothing. I didn’t even put up my Thanksgiving decorations! I usually go all out. I still have Halloween stuff that hasn’t been put away. Add to that, Dan is still looking for work and money is quickly dwindling.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. I really love my in-laws, so I know dinner will be fine. But, something will happen, it always does. They sometimes forget to include me on email messages and rely on Dan to tell me. Now that they have moved their conversations to Facebook, I never know what is going on. I’m still not completely sure what’s supposed to happen tomorrow. I think I’m supposed to bring sweet potato casserole. I’m taking bets on getting there and finding out I was supposed to bring something else. I don’t even know what time we are supposed to be there!

This year we will also be traveling to Richmond to see my family. That’s just a hot bed of potential drama. I am looking forward to seeing my family and staying with my cousins. I really want Zoë to be connected and involved with them, especially since I never was in the past. There is a huge divide between my immediate family and my extended family. Makes visiting a little stressful.

So, here’s to once again trying to kick the holiday blues. Wonder if I can just up the meds?

Darn you Ke$ha!

I was mortified yesterday, listening to Zoë sing one of her favorite songs. I immediately decided that the Kidz Bop CD’s really aren’t that bad. We will be a Kidz Bop family for our music, for a while. Here are the lyrics that set my teeth on edge, sung perfectly by my 6 year old:


“There’s a place I know, if you’re looking for a show, where they go hardcore and there’s glitter on the floor.”

I am still horrified! I had no idea she knew the words (she knows them ALL) and thankfully she has no idea what she is singing about. The look on Dan’s face still haunts me, and I got the lecture. I know, I know, I need to turn off the radio in the car. Believe me, I will now. I’m going to have to start keeping my iPod in the car, with some innocent tunes on it, along with a couple of those dreaded Kidz Bop CD’s. At least Zoë has the entire collection, thanks Shelby! (We’re up to 18 of them now, I think.)

So, for now, Ke$ha is at the top of the banned list around Zoë. I guess I can’t dislike Justin Bieber too much, he still makes me cringe, but at least Zoë can sing his songs. I’d rather hear her sing the lyrics to “Baby Baby” over choking on my drink when she sings “brushing my teeth with a bottle of Jack”. I’ve created a “Zoë” playlist on my iPod with some of her “safe” favorites. During future car rides, we will rocking out to Miranda Cosgrove, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and old-school Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. I guess it could be a lot worse!

The Wedding Time Capsule

I have to admit that 10 years ago, when I suggested putting together a wedding time capsule, both Dan and I thought it was kind of cheesy, but we did it anyway.  I’m so glad we did!  We couldn’t remember anything we’d put in there.  I vaguely remembered writing letters to each other, but that is about it.  10 years is a long time to remember details!  I’m surprised we were able to keep up with it.  It has moved to different homes over the years, but it was right there in storage when I went to find it.  We would see it occasionally when we were cleaning up or organizing the storage area.  It was weird to see the lid that said “Do not open until October 28, 2010”.  We’d laugh, but wow, it’s finally here!  I still can't believe it has been 10 years!

We all gathered around the time capsule that evening.  Zoë was excited too.  When we put this thing together, she wasn’t even a thought!  It was great!  Our letters to each other were really sweet.  We even had a letter in there that my Mom wrote to us.  That was a neat surprise.  I don’t even remember asking her to do that.  She wrote that she hoped she and my Dad would be around when we opened it.  Later on that evening, when we Skyped for Zoë to talk to Grandma, we thanked her for the letter. 

We included a calendar from that year.  It was neat to see all the activities we were involved in and all the things we did together.  Lots of pictures!  We had photos of our first home, Dan’s townhouse.  Amos was in a lot of pictures, he was a cute puppy.  We had pictures from our wedding, ticket stubs, etc. from our Honeymoon at Walt Disney World.  Since the time capsule was to represent the first year of marriage, we even had the newspaper from September 11, 2001.  That was really emotional to see and read.  We were able to show Zoë and talk to her about it a little.  It’s still strange to think that she will never get to see the “Twin Towers”. 

I think we are going to refill the time capsule, and seal it to keep for another 10 years. We’ve survived 10 years of marriage we should be able to make it 10 more! That would be really interesting. I would be 50 when we opened it and Zoë would be 16! Yikes! I don’t even want to think about it.

Well, here’s to 10 more years of marriage!  

Mascot respect!

I know this is strange, but for a long time I’ve always wanted to be a mascot. (It’s on my list, along with being a cheerleader! Yeah, yeah, I know it’s lame.) LOL! I love mascots, they always look like they are having so much fun. What an awesome job to have! Making people laugh, giving high-fives and hugs, posing for pictures. Best of all, no talking and no one knows who you are! So, when Zoë’s school PTA asked for volunteers to parade around as the fundraiser mascot, I decided to step out of my comfort zone again. (I hope this outside of the comfort zone thing doesn’t become a habit.)

I did a stint as a mascot in college for a bit. But, it wasn’t one of the furry costumes, with the large head. No anonymity. It was still fun, but not as fun as totally being anonymous. I still felt self-conscious. In high-school I worked a couple of summers at Kings Dominion. I worked on one of the rides, but always wanted to be one of the characters. I would get close to applying and would talk myself out of it. Plus, those were some hot summers, so I could only imagine the condition of those costumes. LOL! The application process also required a “try out”, and I was really shy back then.

 

So, this morning, I donned the bear costume, complete with giant head, and headed out to the school carpool line. If you overlook being extremely hot, it was a lot of fun. The kids were great! Tons of hugs, high-fives, fist bumps & waves. I even got to pose for a picture with one little girl. I think I made a lot of people smile today, even some of the teachers. LOL! I skipped around, danced, twirled and opened doors. The tough part for me was keeping my mouth shut. (Let’s just say Zoë comes by her chattiness naturally.) When I saw people I knew, I wanted to talk so bad I could hardly stand it! After hanging out at the drop off, I headed to the student news room to be on the morning news. I’m sure Zoë got a kick out of telling her classmates her mom was the bear. LOL!

 

I don’t know if I’ll do it again, maybe. The only thing that would really stop me would be the blazing heat felt in that thing. (When I was told to dress lightly, that was an understatement!) Something tells me the PTA didn’t get a lot of takers for this volunteer opportunity, so I’ll probably get asked again. LOL! And, I’ll probably say yes. LOL!

Things I learned at the loading dock

Our office move is officially complete. It was a giant pain in the butt and looking back, I realize I spent quite a bit of time hanging out at the loading dock for the new building. More than I care to repeat. In fact, if I never see (or smell) the loading dock again, it would be too soon.

But, I had a lot of time to make some observations about the working man. I have the double whammy of working in a male dominated field, in an office that is also dominated by males. (Lucky me.)

Here’s what I learned:

Chivalry really isn’t dead. Who knew? I work for a commercial real estate firm. These guys don’t like to get their hands dirty and think the world should bow and cater to them. How shocked was I when the loading dock guys, did things like hold the elevator, hold a door, help me carry items without me having to beg and plead. It was like another dimension, bizarro world! I almost didn’t know how to act!

Cussing is just talking. I’m sure I learned a few new words, but things were said with such frequency and emotion you almost didn’t notice. The cussing just flowed.

Cuss words are guy terms of endearment. (What up bleep face!)

A smile goes a long way. I can smile all day long at the office and co-workers would just ask if I was OK. Smiling at the loading dock gets rock star treatment.

One service elevator can hold a crap load of people and heavy equipment.

Patience truly is a virtue. (Especially when there are only two service elevators for a building with 48 floors.)

The crowded service elevator in the morning smells a whole lot better than the crowded 5:00 PM one.

Thick skin and a sense of humor are a must! These guys got a huge kick out of my pink Vera Bradley backpack, matching lanyard and pink phone. They cracked themselves up yelling “hey Paul, you got a purse just like that don’t you”.

These guys have mad skills! Much respect to the loading dock guys!

Stepping out of my comfort zone

I hate to do it. I like my comfort zone; it’s very comfy and predictable. It’s perfect. No surprises, a little boring, but that’s OK. I know what to expect. Well, a few months ago I got a wild hair and thought it would be fun to take an adult dance class at Zoë’s dance school. I’m not sure what the heck I was thinking. The choices were Tap, Hip Hop or Belly Dancing. Belly Dancing was a “no” right out of the gate. I’m too uncoordinated and rhythm less for Hip Hop. So, that left tap dancing.

I signed up to keep a spot. When I purchased my tap shoes, I thought, this is it; I really can’t drop out now. Maybe it will be a really small class. Much to my surprise, there were 8 ladies in my class Monday night. These ladies were awesome and many had been tap dancing for years. Didn’t really help my self-esteem any. They were also all tiny and cute, which also didn’t help my self-esteem. It turned out to be a lot of fun and a lot harder than I could have ever imagined. Since I’m a tap newbie (unless you count when I was 7), I have to learn all of the basic steps. Hopefully I won’t slow the class down too much.

What really pushed me over into non-comfy territory were the mirrored walls. You see, I walk by mirrors like they don’t exist most of the time. Other than my daily “mirror check” in the morning, to see if everything matches and looks presentable, I try my best not to look at a mirror for the rest of the day. It was tough, but I managed to find a spot in front of a file cabinet. That lasted for a bit, but I think the dance teacher caught on. She eventually made me move. There were also talks of something called a “dance recital”. I’m thinking I just didn’t hear that part correctly. Now I know that Dance Fever has a recital every year because I’ve been to my share of them for Zoë and Lizzie. What I didn’t realize when I signed up (and paid) for this class, is that the adults participated in the recital as well. That would require someone to push me out of my comfort zone, kicking and screaming. I don’t see that happening. So, they might have to deal with 7 people for their routine. Let’s not get crazy. I can only imagine the outfits they come up with, since these ladies are all under a size 8. We all know whatever they decide on will look ridiculous in my size. Hell, I thought I looked ridiculous in my sweat pants and baggy t-shirt next to these women! (Another reason I was trying to hide by the file cabinet.)

So, as I “step ball changed”, “brush stepped” and “shuffled” (unattractively) for that hour, I thought, maybe it won’t be too bad. I’ll give it another couple of tries. It’s going to require a lot of loosening up on my part. Dan says I need to pull the pole out of my butt. (I’m very comfortable with that pole thank you!) He’s right though. I know that I will never be as graceful, accomplished (or as skinny) as my classmates, but maybe this will be a stepping stone to other activities outside of my comfort zone.

Birthdays, bleh!

Well, the dreaded 40th birthday is quickly approaching. Not sure why I struggle with this one so much. Possibly because I can remember my parents at 40, so it really makes me feel old. LOL! But, to make matters worse, I’m not going to get to spend my 40th birthday lounging in my PJ’s, drinking margaritas. Oh no, I have to work that weekend. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! There is no hope for this birthday! Our office move is happening that weekend. How unfair is that? Now I have to pretend to be happy about turning 40. So help me, I will go postal if anyone hangs a “Lordy Lordy Look Who’s 40” sign anywhere in my line of vision.

But, maybe this isn’t necessarily bad. If I’m working, then I don’t have to think about my birthday at all. I can pretend it’s not happening. I can just keep busy the entire weekend, and come Monday, the birthday nonsense will be over. Hmmm, it just may be the perfect excuse not to have to participate in any birthday crap! Want to go out for dinner? Nope, I’ve got to work. Beautiful!

I’ve hated birthdays (my birthday) for as long as I can remember. I’ve always found them rather disappointing and embarrassing. I think this is why I go overboard with Zoë’s birthdays. I buy too many things, put tons of time and effort into the perfect party. I just don’t want her to EVER feel disappointed or unhappy on her birthday. No child should ever feel that. Birthdays are supposed to be magical and special.

But, for me, I’d rather keep my birthday low key. Let’s just get the damn day over with. So, I’m going to look at working that weekend as a positive. I’ll focus all my energy on the office move and “poof” next thing you know, that birthday will be in the past.

Here’s hoping the weekend goes by quickly.